My Life As An ADDer

Sorry if this is so insanely long. It’s the background behind the blog!

I'm from the small town of Cedar City, Utah. I'm an only child of a single mother.

From the moment I hit school, I started to have troubles relating to other kids. By the time I hit 2nd grade, I began to realize what they all knew . . . I had issues.

I never knew why I couldn't relate well to those around me. When I was around people, I always chattered on endlessly about crazy things like my pets or my cousins (until I got that blank stare that told me that the person I was talking to thought I was crazy). I always talked loudly, interrupted often, and, well, let’s just say I can see why people thought I was a bit insane.

In school, I was always bored out of my mind. I always missed information that the teachers tried to teach, and sitting through classes was . . . let’s just say I felt like ripping my brain out through my ear, I was so bored (sorry about the imagery).

Somehow, I managed to bluff my way through middle school. By the time I got to high school, I had developed a “Back off and leave me alone” defense mechanism because no matter how hard I tried, I just could NOT function well in social situations. In school, I developed the persona of a slacker despite the fact that I enjoy learning. To say the least, it’s a miracle I made it out of high school.

When I got into college, I found that the manipulations I used to get myself through high school didn’t work in the college setting. I got Ds and Fs my entire first year, and at the end of my third semester, I was officially booted from the university.

Still, I had no idea why I had these troubles. Why could everybody else function in society while I had so many roadblocks? I felt stupid, so I decided to have an I.Q. test/Psychological Evaluation done.

Lo-and-behold, I discover the hidden secret behind my troubles. The Psychological revealed that I had Adult ADD and an Avoidant Personality Disorder. Yeah. Yikes! Anyway, I got on medication for it (Concerta). I appealed the school to get back in. I found an excellent support group within the English Department (thank you Kay, Doug, Pat, and all the other professors who helped me figure this thing out!). I ended up successfully graduating with a Bachelor’s degree in Literature (history minor). My Ds and Fs switched to As and Bs, with a few exceptions (curse Spanish classes!).

I married my husband Ryan in December 2007 and moved to his family’s cattle ranch. That was about five years or so after I found out I was ADD. Since we live so far away and we were planning on starting a family, I decided to go off of the Concerta.

Since then, I’ve struggled relating to people in this new town, and I’ve struggled with some personal relationships. Even my relationship with Ryan, which has always been very strong, has had some small moments of difficulty caused by ADD complications that I still didn’t understand.

A few weeks ago, we were watching TV and tuned in to the special “ADD and Loving it!?” Watching that, I realized just how much the ADD had messed with my life. I became more aware of its influences once again. Then I purchased the book You Mean I’m not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?! By Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo. I’m about 160 pages into the book, and I’m realizing just how much the ADD has influenced every single aspect of my life.

Anyway, I’ve had a hard time dealing with it since I’ve realized these things. I think my biggest issue with the ADD is everybody else’s perceptions of it. Few people know how to “deal” with me! It’s a very misunderstood disorder. So today, I had the epiphany that I should create this blog to help myself work through/cope with the disorder. I hope that by getting inside my head, other people can learn more about what the world is like for the ADDer.